I’ve picked out 4 questions for each of the guys, so here are the interviews! Who knew Neil could be so wordy?
- How could your father let you have that haircut and color? Especially at work? What was his reaction?
“My father was quite pleased with my previous haircut. Is there something wrong with my natural colour? It’s the same as my father’s. My mother’s natural colour is black, which is what I dyed it to.
- What was it like to find out your childhood hero was actually a girl?
“…I felt like my entire world view was turned upside down, to be quite honest. You have to see it from my point of view; I grew up thinking I met this boy who was brave enough to help me run away from my parents. I… wanted to be as brave as him. To find out all this time it wasn’t just some boy, but a girl instead, well, I was shocked. Joselina turned into a very beautiful woman, which contrasted with my memory of this rough looking boy. They’re still one and the same though, still very brave.”
- How old were you when you lost your virginity?
“If you must know such an invasive question, I was 18. It was a birthday present. Wait, that came out wrong. I mean, ask Angela. Wait – no – that sounds even worse. Angela set me up. There.”
- You mentioned that you have a tradition with your cousin involving dressing up in such a way that you don’t recognize each other. You dyed your hair black this time, so what are some things you’ve done in the past?
“Let’s see, the year before that, I wore a magnificent mustache. That disguise lasted for a whole 0.5 seconds, before Angela busted a gut. I have also tried eyepatches, fake scars, a hunchback at one point… Sadly, nothing ever seems to escape my cousin. Sometimes I wonder if she’s installed cameras in my room.”
- What’s it like being the shortest guy?
“What – I’m not the shortest! I resent that! And what’s wrong with being short, huh!? Come on, fight me!”
- How many freckles do you have?
“Why don’t you take a picture and count them yourself? Geez, who the hell counts the amount of freckles they have. I’m not that bored.”
- Were you ever bullied?
“Yes. There was this girl in high school that I had a crush on. I guess it was really obvious I had a thing for her, or something. She asked me out to the prom, I was pretty excited. Turns out she was just pulling a big prank on me and she arrived at the prom with her boyfriend, laughing at me of even thinking I ever had a chance with her. I totally deserved that, huh? Fuck her.”
- Can I steal your beanie? :3
“No way, I stole it first. Why don’t you steal your own beanie from someone else?”
- Are you aware you have a bit of an intimidating presence?
“Good. One must assert dominance over others to be sure they’re always in control, lest they be the ones to be controlled.”
- Where’s your favorite place to be and why?
“Home, with my family. It got destroyed.”
- What kind of woman do you like?
“She must be strong and brave, able to lead and inspire others. If she were to defeat me in a battle, I would surrender myself to her.”
- What’s your favorite position?
“Captain. Being able to command an army is what I do best.”
- If you could be ANY mythical creature; what would you be, and why?
“Definitely a unicorn. They not only have magnificent hair, but they have gorgeous wings to be able to fly as well!”
- Is your hair color natural? If not since when did you start dying it?
“My natural hair colour is blond, I dye it silver for fun. I tend to change hair colours pretty often, I get bored quite fast.”
- You prefer short or long hair?
“I prefer all hair, my love. Everyone is gorgeous, whether long, short – or even bald. As long as you’re comfortable with what you have, you shine the brightest.”
- Were you a gangster before?
“Oh my, where have you heard that? I’m an honest and hardworking hairdresser, just earning my place in the world! I have a legit practice. I think. I have to check with my accountant.”
- Do you constantly bump your head against doorframes and such?
“Oh no, not at all. I’m pretty average height, so all the doorframes are made for tall people to fit through without bumping their heads. I’m sure if I were to go to some place in Asia, that might be a different story though.”
- Did you ever feel bad over your stretch marks? Also would you tell us more about your family?
“Sometimes, yeah. I’ve gotten a few odd looks when people see it, but nothing terrible. A lady at tennis practice told me they’re the claw marks of a tiger, so I quite like looking at them like battle scars. As for my family, I have an older brother, and my mother and father are still together. They don’t have the healthiest relationship with each other though…”
- Did you have a crush on Joselina when you were younger?
“Erhm… ehehe. Yeah… 13-year-old me stood no chance against Joselina’s charms when I met her for the first time. She was my first crush, I felt butterflies every time I saw her. Not like I could act on my feelings or anything, she was my brother’s girlfriend after all.”
- How do you feel about “pizza”?
“I like pizza! Not my favourite or anything, but you really can’t go wrong with pizza. I like sweets more though, especially pastries. Hmm, now I want pizza.”
- Can you 1v1 me on the MOBA game?
“I can 1v5 you, bring it on! I’m Master-tier and I will wipe the floor with you. And then later, maybe we can queue up together? I love finding new duo partners.”
- Can you describe yourself truthfully? Without pretending?
“I’m the biggest loser you’ll ever meet, a sad and pathetic bag of beans. I’ll probably scare you with my face, I’ve had strangers before laugh straight into my face because of how ugly I am. I guess that must mean I’m truly hopeless.”
- Do you have any kinks?
“Yes… Uhm. I like it when… or I mean, I-totally-want-a-girl-to-insult-me-and-maybe-even-step-on-me. Is that weird? Please tell me it’s weird…”
- I know you’re into MOBAs, but are you into any other types of games?
“I love retro games! I’m really into old 3D adventure games that I can speedrun, that’s totally my jam. When I’m not grinding in MOBA, I’m spending most of my time speedrunning old games in the fastest way possible. I like any% categories the most, but I’m not adverse to doing 100% glitchless runs. The other day I even found a new glitch in a 15-year-old game! Ah sorry, this is probably super confusing to you, I tend to ramble.”
- I want to see you smile.
“A-alright. Sorry, I feel a little put on the spot to start smiling for no reason… maybe you can tell me a funny joke?”
- So how is your cactus garden going? Do you have any favorite types of cacti?
“It is surviving, cacti can survive a long time without water. They don’t wither immediately like other plant life does in harsh climates. As for my favourite types, I suppose I enjoy the ones prickly ones.”
- I drew some fanart of you. How does that make you feel?
“You can’t just tell me you’ve drawn me and NOT show it. Come on, let me see!”
“Oh – that’s so cool! Okay, now draw me topless, and very buff. And tall.”
- Which camera model is your favourite
“Ahh, it’s got to be the Cinon 20D! I’m saving up for it, it’s pretty expensive, but it’s got soooo many cool features that I don’t need – but totally want.